Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #10 “Out of Balance, Out of Time”

* Part 2 of 2 of the Shadow of the Nihil storyline *

Welcome to Ghostliness & Nerfherders Presents: Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #10 – “Out of Balance, Out of Time”! In the previous installment, the Jedi have a master plan to task Keeve Trennis with infiltrating the Nihil as one of their own. Piece of cake, right? I wouldn’t do it for all the credits on Brentaal IV! But Keeve attempts to do it, and to prove that she is indeed one of them she will need to kill Myarga the Hutt!

The very same Myarga the Hutt who helped destroy the Drengir!

What a pickle!

(Kill the bitch)

Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #10 [December, 2021]
Written by: Cavan Scott
“Out of Balance, Out of Time”

Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #10

I guess I should’ve known this earlier, but Myarga is held prisoner at the Nihil Warcloud Forge on Xais. Duh. And Keeve Trennis is finding it difficult to decide what to do!

“Unless…”

An idea sprouts in that stupid melon of hers. But it’s not like she has to do anything, because this one rabbit creature is already in the process of pushing over a large gas can full of the toxic chemical “nagnol”. It lands and explodes, spraying everyone with flaming hot gas and liquid! And no one dies or gets hurt, because why would they? “The entire planet could have gone up!” yells Zeetar, who is nice and safe in his Dr. Robotnik suit.

“Where did you find the Hutt?” Keeve asks as though nothing had happened.

“On the edge of wild space,” Zeetar responds.

“When? After Valo?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“It might be nothing, but…” And Keeve spins a yarn regarding hearing about a Hutt working with Drengir. Probably this asshole Myarga. “She might have all manner of Jedi secret rattling around the moldy excuse of a head,” Keeve nudges. “I say we find out…”

And then maybe kill Myarga later if she has nothing. Worth a shot, and the wait besides.

Meanwhile, the Ataraxia is in hyperspace filled with Jedi goons such as Avar Kriss, Sskeer, and some other weird looking aliens in brown robes. They’re using Ceret to track down Terec, who is with Keeve right now. Being a bond-twin has its perks, even if it is fuckin’ creepy. And Ceret also senses that Terec thinks that Keeve is “playing a dangerous game”, and I’m not talking about Suicide Parcheesi either. We’re talking about an involvement with Myarga the Hutt.

“Myarga?” says Kriss. “Now that is a concern. She is involved with the Nihil?”

“It is difficult to interpret…” responds Ceret. “But they are in danger. All of them.”

Well ain’t that a kick in the ol’ pants? Don’t worry, though. The Force will protect them! *snicker*

Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #10

Except that I got a brain full of weird fetishes. I’ll give you a hint on one: Pudding.

Sskeer gets a holographic call from Dr. Gino’le, who I’ve never mentioned by name before but REST ASSURED that I’ve talked about him already many times. He needs to speak to Sskeer privately, but Sskeer ain’t got time for private conversations.

It’s not good news, though. “I’ve received the results from the tests we ran – and we know why you are losing your connection to the Force.”

Eek! We’ll get back to that horrible, horrible, bone-chilling news in a hot minute! Keeve and Terec are marching ahead of Zeetar trying to talk to each other privately, but Zeetar is like “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU BOTH WHISPERING ABOUT” so that idea is over. Zeetar leads them to a bacta tank full of Myarga the Hutt. Although it’s not bacta in there, it’s unrefined nagnol. So be quick about getting the Jedi secrets out of her before her lungs burn and boil and crumble into dust!

“So, listen up slime pod,” says Keeve. “You wanna live, you gotta talk.”

Myarga speaks in squelchy Huttese, something about torturing Keeve before she’ll give anything up. But Keeve knows it’s all part of the ruse. “I hope,” she adds.

A technician reports to Zeetar that the gas valve is blocked. They don’t know it, but Terec is using the Force to cork the flow! Good work, weirdo. It’s too bad that Zeetar decided that Keeve already shot her wad, so they’re going to do things his way now. And that means 50,000 volts of electricity zapped right into her Hutt vagina. That’ll get her talking!

“What do you know about the Jedi?” Zeetar demands. And, much to Keeve’s horror, Myarga starts ratting her out. “You have Jedi in your midst,” she says betrayal-style. “You welcomed them with open arms. They have deceived you.”

Eep. It’s lightsaber time. Keeve, Terec, you two have fun. “You should surrender while you still can,” Keeve says rather meekly, I would say. “Surrender? Why?” Zeetar responds snidely. “Should I be scared? Are you really the best the Jedi could send?”

ZANG! Zeetar’s got an arm cannon and he’s not afraid to jerk off with it! I mean, use it. He’s not afraid to use it.

Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #10

Well, Yoda’s busy. And Obi-Wan Kenobi? He wasn’t even born yet, idiot.

Fighting continues for a while in what I can only describe as four skippable pages, but then a twist happens that’s so twisty that even I didn’t see the twisty twist. Who approaches in her own Dr. Robotnik Transformers space suit but none other than Lourna Dee! Everyone is surprised but they all thought she was Hella Dead. Ceret gets to know this through Terec, and Kriss is beyond surprised!

So now what?

“If I was dead, could I do this?” she says matter-of-factly as she punches down on Terec’s ugly bald head with a TWAKK. “Or this?” she says as she zaps Myarga right between the eyes.

“That was a mistake,” Keeve says. I’m guessing her voice cracked because no one takes her seriously. “You really are adorable,” says Dee. Then a couple of ruffians in sunglasses approach Keeve with a mysterious box. After it’s opened, an incredible force field of some sort a) blocks the Force, and b) gives Keeve and Terec miserable headaches that even Aleve won’t alleviate, so to speak. Even Ceret feels the burn, and subsequently loses contact complete. Alone. All alone. Wahhhh.

“I will… we will… attempt to re-establish connection,” Ceret says as he quivers and moans. “AAAAARGH!” he then yelps. Then “It’s a lie… all of it. There is no balance. No peace…”

Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #10

Oh no! Game of Thrones grayscale!

Final Thoughts

This isn’t the end of the story? Well Jesus Christ and slap me with a hassock! Looks like I’ve got to keep going then, don’t I?

Snarl.


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Runaways (Vol. 2), Issue #2 – “True Believers (Chapter 3)”

* Part 3 of 6 of the True Believers storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Runaways (Vol. 2), Issue #3 – “True Believers (Chapter 3)”! In the previous installment, the kids, having been directed by Old Dead Gert, decide to go scope out this Victor Mancha kid. They find him at his school, and it’s these kids’ appearance that prompts him to use his extraordinary powers for the very first time! Whoops.

Meanwhile, the Excelsior team have decided to don their costumes and be superhero vigilantes even though that is precisely what the support group aims to help prevent. But money’s on the line here, so why the fuck not? And wouldn’t you know it, it takes about 45 minutes for them to find the Runaways. Stupid kids aren’t hiding well enough.

So what’s next for our intrepid Runaways? Maybe Alex will come back to life and shove a broom up his own butt.

Runaways (Vol. 2), Issue #3 [June, 2005]
Written by: Brian K. Vaughan
“True Believers (Chapter 3)”

Runaways (Vol. 2) Issue #3

The Excelsior Team tells the Runaways that they’re friends, they swear. “What are you, a Christian glam band?” sneers Gertrude. Zing!

Victor Mancha recognizes these fucks. Turbo, Darkhawk, Lightspeed, Chamber. All these J-List celebrity superheroes. They want the Runaways to let Mancha go, but Nico calls Mancha a murderer and also no. And he’s not a murderer yet, but he will be, so screw him all the same.

“Listen, we have no interest in fighting you,” claims Turbo. “Let’s open the lines of communication here, and try to find out what we need to do to make you feel more comfortable with–” ZIPPT!! That’s the sound of Chase shooting lasers at everyone from Leapfrog. He cheers happily while the rest of the group takes advantage of the incapacitation of the Excelsior team by Leapfroggin’ away with Mancha.

The Excelsior team are more perplexed than anything. They get up to brush themselves off, and Chamber is like “OI! I’M OUT, GUV’NOR! SEE YOU CUNTS LATER!” After Turbo tells him to stay, Chamber bitches for a panel before deciding to stick around. Part of his problem is that he doesn’t fly, and he’ll look like an idiot with everyone else who can fly. First-world superhero problems.

Meanwhile, Chase is Leapfroggin’ in broad daylight, much to the chagrin of the rest of the kids.

Runaways (Vol. 2), Issue #3

They could try trading in their Frogcraft for a Molecraft and start digging underground?

“Hey, if you guys are kidnapping me for ransom money, you nabbed the wrong guy,” complains Mancha. “My mom is a single parent working three jobs. She barely scrapes by.”

Gert calls Mancha’s dad a supervillain. Mancha says his dad’s fuckin’ dead. Whoops!

Molly apologizes, but Karolina reminds her that their supervillain parents are dead too. Even I forgot that one! I should pay more attention to what I’m reading.

Back at the school, Mrs. Mancha is already fretting to the principal over the disappearance of her son. The sweaty principal assures her that Victor will be found in at LEAST one piece. Victor’s dumpy friend Jorge approaches Mrs. Mancha and tells her all about the freaks with the superpowers showing up, and then Victor did some superpower shit as well, and, well, one thing led to another! Can he have some empanadas?

Elsewhere, the Excelsior Team is flying (while Mickey carries Chamber by the armpits) west toward Studio City where Phil Ulrich reports the last sighting of the giant stupid frog craft. Eventually, they catch up to the kids and Darkhawk zaps the frog with purple lasers. Turbo Mickey is like “THOSE ARE JUST KIDS, DINGBAT”, to which Darkhawk basically replies “Remember Columbine? Fuck them kids!”

Maneuvering out of the way, Chase lands the Leapfrog safely in the studio lot. And by that I mean he crashes the fucking thing right onto a set where they’re filming some cheesy sci-fi flick. The cast and crew runs away screaming while Chase assesses the damage. “Looks like the crash knocked the ‘Frog offline,” he says.

Nico’s plan is to have the girls take care of the Excelsior Team while Chase stays to keep an eye on Mancha.

“What’s… what’s your power?” Mancha asks.

Chase brandishes a switchblade. “A poor upbringing.”

The Excelsior Team flies down through the giant hole in the studio building, asking if the kids are ok. Nico has a simple response:

Runaways (Vol. 2), Issue #3

Kids these days with their potty mouths, truancy, and mysterious glowing staves.

Nico’s staff creates a whirlwind in the building that sweeps up Excelsior and sends them flying around. So, they retaliate by facing the kids one-on-one. This happens for a few pages as they all trade one-liners. It gets to a point where Darkhawk threatens the shit out of Nico to the point where Mickey Turbo is like “Settle down, chief. I mean, goddamn.” So now they start fighting, causing a bit of a raucous ruckus. During the fracas, the Runaways use the diversion to get everyone back into the Leapfrog. And, as much as Chase would like to gut the Mancha kid, he needs to pilot the craft again.

Darkhawk apologizes to Turbo Mickey, and Turbo Mickey graciously accepts the apology. Everyone hugs it out and everything is peaches and cream until Chamber realizes that no one kept an eye on the kids. D’oh!

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but… Nice work, Chase,” says Nico. Chase calls himself a genius, speaking of his idea to let Mancha zap the motherboard with his electric powers and reboot the Leapfrog. Victor asks if they’re even now and they can let him go, but the answer to that is “NO BUENO”. “Let’s talk about your future…” Gert says ominously.

Finally, at Casa du Mancha, Mrs. Mancha calls a so-far-unknown person to tell him or her that Victor has gone missing. Something terrible has happened to him that has triggered his… his… HIS…

Don’t worry. They’ll be coming to Los Angeles to help find him.

The “they” being… DUN DUN DUUUUUUNN!!

Victor’s stupid not-at-all-dead supervillain dad.

Final Thoughts

Here’s what’s going to happen: Victor’s dad is going to find his kid and then beat his ass ruddy to within an inch of his life, spurring the origin story of the homicidal, murderous “Victorious”.

And his dad is going to be Craig T. Nelson, just for the extra layer of surprise.


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Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #10 – “Blüdhaven (Part 1)”

* Part 2 of 7 of the Back to Blüdhaven storyline *

Welcome to Loneliness & Cheeseburgers Presents: Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #10 – “Blüdhaven (Part 1)”! In the previous installment, a Skeletor-looking baddie named Dr. Destiny is able to infiltrate Nightwing’s mind and make him have bad, bad, scary dreams! Superman helps Nightwing enter Dreamland (and, by extension, a town in Superman’s alternate reality world called Blüdhaven where his Nightwing spent a lot of his time) via a very elaborate machine that seems to only serve a single purpose, so that’s rather convenient. In the end, Nightwing defeats Dr. Destiny with the help of all his DC Comics superhero friends.

Now Nightwing is going to check out Blüdhaven to see what all the fuss is about. They probably have a beer garden and a bowling alley. And a Guy Fieri restaurant.

Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #10 [February, 2017]
Written by: Tim Seeley
“Blüdhaven (Part 1)”

Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #10

Look out Blüdhaven, Nightwing’s about to strut through your mean streets with the tightest buttocks in town.

Robin stands untethered and unsupervised atop a gargoyle near the top of a huge skyscraper. “TO ME, MY TITANS!” he bellows. Batgirl, who has been sneaking on the kid, makes her presence known. She startles little Damian Wayne, who is like “uhhhhh, uhhhhhhh, I knew you were there the entire time!”

Batgirl hasn’t seen Robin since Tim Drake’s funeral. She wants to know how the little squirt is doing. She’s also trying to grab some information about the unusually silent Nightwing. Robin reminds Batgirl that she told Nightwing to go to hell…

And what a Hell it is! Blüdhaven looks like an even shittier Gatlinburg, Tennessee, or Branson, Missouri. A man named Paulie Paterno at the ol’ Import/Export office is jabbering on the phone about how Blüdhaven is being sold as “family-friendly” these days. The cops are paying so much attention keeping the tourists safe that all the illegitimate business happenings have been much, much easier lately.

On his way to answer a buzzing doorbell, Paulie lets the man on the other end of the line know that he’s got eighteen truckloads of the good stuff coming. Yeah, baby.

Paulie answers the door and gets fucked up. Just another day in family-friendly Blüdhaven!

Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #10

Paulie’s sleeping. Go talk to Silvio.

Dick Grayson has found his way into the Blüdhaven Community Center where he intends to volunteer for the “Teens Affected by Violence” program. He sits there during the interview with a short-sleeve polo that shows off his rippling biceps and a smug, self-satisfied grin. The interviewer asks Grayson “why Blüdhaven”? Why not Gotham? What are you, high?

Grayson’s got an apartment at the ol’ Blüd for a few months. In short, he wants to “trust people again”. He starts talking about Raptor and how their relationship messed him up a little bit. And he’s just telling this fucking lady all about Nightwing and Batgirl and Batman and Bruce Wayne and secret identities and running away from Gotham to get it all out of his head and…

…but he doesn’t actually say all of that. He wanted to, but he doesn’t. What he actually says is “That new tourism campaign really worked on me. I just can’t wait to ‘Get My Blüd Up’.”

The interviewer did a little research before her visit with Mr. Dickhead Grayson. His parents were circus folk, huh? Died tragically, right? Orphaned until Bruce Wayne took him in? Sounds like a Teen Affected by Violence to me, son! Welcome aboard!

Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #10

I know where to find the best blowjobs in Blüdhaven! There’s this grandma on W. 21st Street who takes her teeth out and–

“You can call me Dick,” he says to her, forgetting that it’s the 21st century and no one wants to be called Dick anymore. A man named James Nice enters the office and he doesn’t seem very Nice to me. He seems like a Rascal. He’s the City Budget Analyst, and he pretty much tells Grayson that there are some great strip clubs in the area! Grayson declines like a true beta male and leaves the office.

Now that James and the interviewer – Ms. Shawn Tsang – are alone, James wants to talk about “them” wearing the costumes tonight. Shawn says it’s too soon. James disagrees wholeheartedly! Grace, for example – a woman named Grace – who is named Grace – never looked in the mirror and saw the monster she had become. She listened to the wrong voices, and she fell into the dark side. Something to that effect. James and Shawn are shifty. Let’s move on from them and never speak of them again!

Grayson sets up his apartment with furniture and Flying Grayson posters. He has never lived alone before, and he has never been financially independent before, and he’s barely doing the latter! But he doesn’t want to depend on Bruce’s money anymore, so he dipped into his savings and set up a Blüdhaven home base. The master plan here is to not be Nightwing for a while. Get to learn who Dick Grayson really is, what his hobbies are, his interests, his disgusting sexual fetishes. “Time to remind myself what they are,” he smiles.

Then he gets bored quickly trying to read and watch TV. By 8:40pm, he’s climbing the fucking walls. Join a chess club or something, Grayson. Throw an ax or two.

In the Office of the Mayor of Blüdhaven, the titular Mayor himself points at a picture of a whale leaping out of the ocean and tells the tourism board members sitting in his office to sell this shit if the casinos keep leaving town. One member of the board points out that their social media presence is really booming! The kids say it’s “on fleek”!

The Mayor all but slaps this woman. Tourism is down because Blüdhaven is a shithole. Make it not into a shithole or he’s going to slash the tourism budget and FUND THE POLICE! And nobody wants that! Except the sexy, bastard police.

Helicopters blare sirens and zip by the building. Grayson hears it way over in his apartment and seizes the opportunity to put down his penis and squeeze into the Nightwing costume. “I mean, you can’t get to know yourself all in one night, anyway.”

Nightwing sets the frequency of his, uh, mask, to the police scanner. Homicide suspect south of Dixon Park. The victim, Paulie Walnuts Paterno, was found with 39 broken bones. We think that a giant gorilla committed the crime. More news at 11.

Why Blüdhaven, indeed? Because it’s just like fuckin’ Gotham, that’s why.

Nightwing (Vol. 4), Issue #10

Yeah yeah yeah, that’s what all the talking monkeys say…

Guess what? I was right about the gorilla! This monstrous, stupid-looking ape wearing a ball cap, a tank top, and green shorts leaps at Nightwing with all the ferocity of a giant gorilla wearing clothes. “Gorilla Grimm. A former resident of Gorilla City.”

Pfffft.

Gorilla Grimm is usually stationed in Gotham, but Batman and Nightwing kicked his ass a few million times. He’s been “incognito” for a few years, but I think they meant “AWOL”. “Never expected him to show up here.”

Nightwing smashes the ape against a wall and tells him that he’ll be going to prison tout suite! But Grimm claims his innocence. He’s trying to straighten up and fly right, that’s why he relocated to Blüdhaven! He swears it on his monkey mother’s monkey grave.

The helicopter SWAT team shows up to tell Nightwing to move along. They don’t like superheroes in Blüdhaven. Hit the road.

Gorilla Grimm is crying about a set-up while the SWAT team puts their knees on his fucking neck. Grimm hastily grabs Nightwing’s shoulder: “Ask Shawn. She knows. Talk to Shawn Tsang–”

Grimm gets cattle-prodded and gets marched away by the Feds, leaving Nightwing alone and confused.

Back in the Tourism Office of Blüdhaven, Cherry the Board Member catches a whiff of Nightwing running around on TV with the caption “GOTHAM HERO AT SITE OF MURDER SUSPECT CAPTURE”. Cherry beams. “What better way to say Blüdhaven is hip, sexy, and safe than with our very own superhero?”

After hours at the Community Center, Shawn gets out a briefcase that presumably contains a costume of sorts. “You can do this, Shawn,” she says to herself. “You can confront your old face.”

Tipped off by Grimm, Nightwing shows up to the Community Center to have a little talk with Shawn, but she has already put on her costume. She looks like a street clothes hooligan holding a can of spraypaint.

“DEFACER?!” Nightwing exclaims. Like I’m supposed to know who the fuck that is.

Final Thoughts

Get My Blüd Up, Bonerfuckers! Local criminal Defacer is going to paint penises on very important government buildings such as Mayor Tourism’s office and that statue of famed Nazi leader Adolf Something.


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Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #9 “Jedi No More”

* Part 1 of 2 of the Shadow of the Nihil storyline *

Welcome to Ghostliness & Nerfherders Presents: Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #9 – “Jedi No More”! In the previous storyline, the Jedi fight the plants and the Jedi win. Even the Hutts get involved. It was a real peace treaty for the ages.

But, d’oh! While they were fighting the Drengir, the Jedi forgot all about the Nihil! And the Nihil done fucked up the Republic Fair.

So, let’s jump back into the regularly scheduled broadcast already in process.

Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #9 [November, 2021]
Written by: Cavan Scott
“Jedi No More”

Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #9

This Orla Jareni chick is known as a Wayseeker. “She follows her own path,” I’m told. Not beholden to any faction or temple or outpost. Just the Force, ma’am. And right now, she has been Forced, so to speak, to align with Avar Kriss and the Jedi for some Nihil-bashin’.

Jareni reports back to Starlight that there is no Nihil activity in the Soola system. Wherever that is. Probably by Mars. Right, Star Wars fans?

Suddenly, Jareni’s sensors pick up vibrations from hyperspace. A single stormship emerges, but it’s armed to the teeth. The Beacon requests Jareni’s position, but the stormship is starting to fuck her shit up.

On a nearby craft, Keeve (now “Storm Trennis”) orders Terec to fire when ready. And that ready is now! Make those Nihil bastards eat some serious poo.

Welcome to Flashback Town. The Starlight Beacon is full of Jedi Council members reporting that, after the Nihil attack on Valo’s Republic Fair, the Jedi swarmed Nihil outposts in full force. “They’re running scared,” says Stellan Gios, Jedi X-Treme. Sskeer calls these Nihil “cowards”, but Keeve bites her lip thinking that Sskeer’s tough talk is a bit premature.

“The Twi’lek identified as Lourna Dee, the so-called Eye of the Nihil, is believed dead, killed during the Battle of Galov,” says Maru. “We believe that this is why the Nihil are scattering, their forces in disarray.”

But a new Eye has already taken her place, possibly, maybe, I dunno. The holo shows a few photos of ugly mofos that are ripe for Eye replacement, but there has been no real evidence to support the claim.

Kriss is like “I HAVE EVIDENCE”. She slaps a file on Maru’s desk, next to his #1 Dad mug and his Rubik’s cube, and it says that Nihil forces are amassing in the Soola system. Near Mars. Gios thinks this is poppycock, but Kriss is insistent. And the arguing is making those stupid bald twins nervous.

Jedi Keeve Trennis speaks up!

Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #9

We fell for a distraction because we’re idiots, sir. Jedi don’t go to real school! We all have, like, a second-grade education!

Keeve makes a salient point: they should do something! Gios agrees, bless his heart, but this isn’t time to go rogue. They must unify and act accordingly. Like sitting ducks.

Later, Kriss commends Keeve for speaking up, but clashing with Gios won’t solve anything (even though she’s one to talk). “What if he’s wrong, Marshal?” Keeve asks with fire in her eyeballs. “What if we’re all wrong? What if we should be doing more?”

Sskeer tries to get his young protege to simmer down, but Keeve will never simmer down! There has to be a better way, godfuckit.

Flashforward back to Storm Trennis and Terec, who are watching Jareni’s vessel get rocked. Keeve wonders if she sent out a distress call, and then gets an idea to send one out herself posing as a Nihil stormship. Meanwhile, Sskeer has a fleet of vectors ready to blast whatever ants or errant oxygen molecules that come across his path. Kriss wonders if he should be leading anything right now – even a book club – in his condition. Sskeer is like “piece of cake”, but then one of the vectors gets attacked and all of the loudest alarms in the world start going off.

“All vectors, prepare for incoming,” says Kriss. “The Nihil have answered our call.”

*Perfect Strangers theme music plays*

Keeve spends two whole pages posing as Nihil and blowing up a vector. Soon, after a hearty battle, the Nihil crap their pants and re-enter hyperspace. Whew! That’s the end of that chapter forever. Who wants TV dinners to celebrate??

Keeve and Terec are now traitors. Fugitives. Ne’er-do-wells. “Firing on a vector?” she thinks. “That’s something I never wanted to do.”

“Even if it was being remote controlled by Ceret back on Ataraxia.” Ha!

“But we had to make the Nihil believe we are who we say we are.”

Back to Flashback Town, where Sskeer approaches a guilty Keeve. She shouldn’t have lost her temper in that manner. Emotions lead to the dark side, after all.

Dark sides such as the Nihil, who Keeve still pretends to be for infiltration purposes.

Star Wars: The High Republic (Vol. 1), Issue #9

Kriss’ idea involves Keeve reading Issue #9 and following the same plan.

As part of the plan, Keeve and Terec land on a Nihil outpost. She is to say that her runner is Pan Eyta (presumed dead). She is to present an offering of snack cakes and lottery tickets to get in their good graces, but it doesn’t work. A guard is onto her and starts whipping at her with a red electric whip. She grabs it and wraps it around the guard’s head, passing the test!

“You’re Pan’s tempest, all right,” says the guard, satisfied. Then a guy in some sort of Dr. Robotnik contraption named Zeetar, possible the newest ugly mofo Eye, barges into the area to scope out Keeve. There’s a bunch of Nihil out in the Soola system, near that small red planet, and Keeve is to prove herself by bringing a prisoner in. “If you are who you say you are, you’ll do as you’re told–”

“–and split this stinking Hutt’s skull in two.”

Myarga is presented in chains. Time to kill for the greater good!

Final Thoughts

First of all, are they really going to wrap up a “Keeve infiltrates the Nihil” story in one more issue? This is going to take 40, 50 more issues of comic book action at least! Second of all, who cares about killing Myarga the Hutt? Are the Jedi a bunch of wusses? Tear that bitch up!


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Stranger Things, Season 1 – Cute Kids with Superpowers

Through the Idiot Glass Disclaimer: There will be spoilers. If you’re even remotely interested in this show and you haven’t yet seen it, or if you’ll be mad if you accidentally read any possible spoilers about it, I’m going to chalk it up to “not my fucking problem”. You have been warned.
Discussion Subject: Stranger Things, Season 1 (2016) (Netflix)

Stranger Things, Season 1
I got caught up in the hype when Stranger Things dropped its first season in the summer of 2016, I’m not ashamed to admit it. It was in the zeitgeist in a way I hadn’t experienced since… I don’t know. What else has captured everyone’s attention and brought upon us a wealth of new Halloween costumes like the first season of Stranger Things? Fuckin’ Squid Game. Unlikely.

Anyway, I love this show. I’m looking forward to rewatching it.

The Premise

We start our fanciful horror story in the small town of Hawkins, Indiana. On November 6, 1983, little 12-year-old Will Byers (Noah Schnapp) gets abducted from his home following an extensive Dungeons & Dragons campaign with his geeky friends Mike (Finn Wolfhard), Dustin (Gaten Matarazzo), and Lucas (Caleb McLaughlin). The nearby Hawkins National Laboratory has opened a rift to an alternate dimension and a monstrous creature called the Demogorgon is responsible for fucking shit up. Will’s mother Joyce (Winona Ryder) senses that her son is still alive out there and spends the season being unhinged. Will’s brother Jonathan (Charlie Heaton) has a weaselly face. The Hawkings lab is run by a man named Martin Brenner (Matthew Modine), who experiments on a girl with incredible telekinetic powers named Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown). Eleven helps Will’s friends find Will, or at least assist the adults [and maybe Mike’s sister Nancy (Natalie Dyer)] in finding Will.

Also Steve Harrington (Joe Keery).

Stranger Things, Season 1

Steve “The Hair” Harrington!

My Half-Baked Thoughts

Stranger Things makes me nostalgic for the ’80s and I barely even lived in the ’80s! Obviously there’s some ’80s-like overflow into the early ’90s, but by then I was playing Bubble Bobble on my sister’s NES and these little nerds had nothing but tabletop Dungeons & Dragons. Sad!

Anyway, the show impeccably captures the mood of a Midwestern small town with limited technology. I loved every minute of the vibe. From the haircuts to the clothes to the music, I could have been watching something that was seriously made in 1983 and I wouldn’t have known the difference (except, you know, Winona Ryder is 45 years old here). My first time through the season I was captivated by the aesthetic, which I think trumps the story, characters, and acting as its strength. That’s saying a lot, too, because the story, characters, and acting are fucking fantastic.

Stranger Things, Season 1

We have to save the world and go through puberty?? What a ripoff!

At the time of shooting the kids’ ages ranged from 11 – 15 years old, with Millie Bobby Brown being the youngest. All were exceptional. Brown showed the most range as Eleven with scenes of believable fear, screaming and crying. Both Finn Wolfhard and Caleb McLaughlin played excellent often-frustrated kids, with Gaten Matarazzo as the goofy foil. Usually kids suck in TV shows and movies, but these kids carried the fucking show. Obviously. Eleven is the best character for so many reasons that I won’t list them here. You should know them already.

While the young kids followed a supernatural mystery story, the others forged different paths. The older teenagers combined high school relationship drama with supernatural horror. Joyce experienced supernatural and psychological horror. Chief Hopper was doing a full-out fuckin’ Jason Statham action thriller. I didn’t find Hopper’s side of the story particularly interesting, but Joyce losing her mind over the course of eight episodes was fun to watch while Jonathan Byers attempted to be the weasel-faced man of the house. Steve Harrington wasn’t NEARLY as big of a dick in Season 1 as I remember. He and Nancy pressured Barb (RIP RIP RIP) to drink during their party, and he (sort of justifiably) broke Jonathan’s camera after believing that he was being a gross voyeur. Which he was, honestly. Are we really going to let Jonathan slide on that one? I wouldn’t. He’s a good older brother for sure, but keep him away from the ladies please. Other than that, though, Steve spends most of his time trying to redeem himself instead.

Obviously, the most compelling part of Season 1 is Eleven’s story. It’s hard for me to remember exactly how I felt watching her backstory unfold the first time, getting bits and pieces of her life as a science experiment down in the Hawkins Laboratory, and how she interacts with the three boys. It’s weird, though. At first you think she can barely understand English, but then it becomes apparent that she’s just socially stunted (and obviously totally traumatized). It’s not clear how much of her life has been spent as a lab guinea pig, but I’m guessing… uh, all of it? She doesn’t even know what a waffle is. Talk about sheltered; Eggos are the bomb, yo. I thought the downplayed romantic connection between Mike and El was adorable AND A HINT AT THINGS TO COME. Also, El is a complete psychokinetic badass and she rocks the buzzcut like nobody’s business.

Stranger Things, Season 1

Is Pepsi okay?

I’m not sure how Will survived for so long in the Upside-Down. The whole season takes place over the course of, what, maybe two weeks? Three? You’re telling me that Barb died within 15 minutes, but Will was able to camp out in his shitty, unprotected fort for days upon days without access to heat, food, water, comic books, or drugs? With a Demogorgon prowling around two feet away at all times? Able to flicker lights in his house with, what, his dick? I wanna see the season through Will’s point of view. I want to know exactly how much dirt he ate and how much the little tweeker miserably jerked it while stranded in some alternate dimension. Season 1.5, bring it on Duffer Brothers.

I think I can end it on that note.

Worth the Watch?

Yes. If you haven’t seen it yet, treat yourself. It lives up to all the hype that it got in 2016, and its charming ’80s aesthetic will ensure that Stranger Things will hold up for decades to come! Centuries! If humanity still exists in the year 2116, they’ll unearth DVDs of the show from some sort of bomb shelter and LOL all over again at Steve Harrington’s antics.

Stranger Things, Season 1

Mom, we have to watch Stranger Things right this second!


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